usopen

I awaited with some anticipation of the 2002 U.S. Open held at the Beth Page Black Course in New York. The Open is always a test of player skills and this year was no different except for maybe Tiger Woods. At a U.S. Open course, the rough is alwasy deep, the fairways always narrow, and the greens always fast. What set this Open apart, however, was the USGA touting how this course was the first truly public golf course, a municipal course, the kind most golfers grow up playing and play for most of their lives unless they're fortunate to grow up in rich family that belongs to a private club or become rich enough themselves to join one during adulthood.

The USGA spent a lot of money refurbishing the course. It was money well spent, I think, and the regular players who come back to pay their 35 bucks to walk 18 should enjoy it. Still, the place ended up like most of the manicured courses on which the pros play, designed to the specs of the USGA the likes of which most muni courses are not.

I grew up on muni courses in Chicago, concrete fairways, concrete greens, and rubber mats on concrete tee boxes (I'm not making that up), but some of the best damn hotdogs in the world. You never had to worry about hitting out of a divot mark in the fairway. The entire fairway was one big divot mark. My head head has more turf than most of the greens on a muni course. Most of the greens were the size of a pinhead compared to the huge expanses of bent grass the pros putt on. Yes, the greens are relatively flat and reading a green is not so much a matter of deciding where or how much a putt will break. Rather, it's a matter of deciding which line avoids the least ball and spike marks.

The sentiment behind playing on a muni course is laudable. The USGA claims that they plan on making the New York course a regular part of the Open rotation, and maybe a couple of others. Great, but I sorta wish they made them play under the same conditions as we have to, waiting in line for a tee time, avoiding the guys mowing the grass on the back nine, with no practice range. Make the pros play under the same conditions as the rest of the country: get there, do a couple of stretches, and hit hit hit. Get done with 18 in less than five hours, yelling at the guys ahead of you to play faster, driving off the tee as soon as the guys in front have hit their second shots, none of this waiting until they're outta range crap, waving the next foursome up on a par three. And then a beer or two or three on the 19th hole.

Instead of making a big deal about playing on a public course, make the pros play a public course just the same way the paying public plays it. Then we see how really good they are, even Woods.

Still this year's Open was fun to watch. Woods, like always, played well and the rest played like I do. I thought for a while that Mr. Watch My Wedge was going to make a run, but he still has it in his mind that his game is good enough. I wanta strangle him and say, "Listen Phil. You're an idiot! Tiger Woods is the best player of this generation, bar none, and probably will be the greatest ever unless you and every other bozo out there raise your level of play. You ain't good enough right now and nobody else is either."

Look at Duval. He was at the top of his game last year and won The Open championship in Britain.. Why? He trimmed down and did weight training like, you guessed it, Woods does every goddam day. Now he hurts his back, puts on more weight and doesn't lift any more. Guess where his game is? Like mine, goddam it.

Look at Woods. His biceps are as big as my thigh almost. When he was at Stanford, pound for pound he was the strongest
athlete on campus, even more than their football players. The one tee shot he hit in the rough on Sunday, he was 200 yards
away in deep shit and he still hits the green - with a seven iron dammit -- THAT'S muscle! He's got every damn shot there is in his bag and can make them 99.9% of the time. A friend of mine said at the Masters that he got off his couch and bowed to the television when Woods made a great wedge shot on 13 or 15. It was 1 foot from the cup and he got a birdie. Actually it was the shot before that one that sets Woods apart from everybody else. Any one ofthe pros on tour can hit a wedge like Woods. On his tee shot, he put it in the trees, far right side. From there he hits that low stinger hook of his under the branches, a laser like thing barely three feet off the ground. It was perfect and set up the wedge.

And then there's Sergio Garcia, the little Spanish punk and his goddam waggles. This was a muni course for godsakes. You know as well as I do that if he tried that shit at a real muni course he would have had a nine iron wrapped around his head on the tee. If he was in the middle of a fairway, he'd have the balls of the next foursome hittin' him in the ass. All afternoon, I'm sitting there just thinking, "Hit the fucking ball already!."

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